You were so happy for the negativity of your Covid test, we didn't want to spoil the happiness by telling you it was IQ test.

I've seen better judgment from a pack of wild squirrels.

You're like a broken record - repeating the same nonsense over and over again.

You're so dense, light bends around you.

I'm sorry, did I ask for your opinion? Oh wait, I don't care.

What is wrong with you? Have you had too many drugs in mental hospital today?

You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.

You're like a penny on the ground - completely worthless and nobody wants to pick you up.

You're so bland, you make plain toast look like a gourmet meal.

You're like a dictionary - full of words, but none of them have meaning.

You're the human embodiment of a traffic jam - annoying and slowing everyone down.

Your existence is proof that some mistakes are just meant to be.

Your personality makes onions cry.

Are you talking to me? I thought you only talk behind my back.

You're so shallow, even the kiddie pool is deeper than you.

Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I'm sorry for it.

Your life is like a movie with bad ratings - no one wants to watch it.

I'm not saying you're old, but your memory foam mattress forgot you.

Do you ever wonder how your parents feel knowing they raised such a disappointment?

Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power an ant's motorcycle.

You're like a broken GPS - constantly leading people in the wrong direction.

You're so forgettable, you'd be the main character in a book nobody reads.

You have the charisma of a brick wall and the emotional range of a teaspoon.

I'm not insulting you; I'm just stating the obvious.

If negativity were an art form, you'd be a Picasso.

Your lies could power a city with all that energy.

You're like a human embodiment of a Monday morning.

You're the reason they say 'never meet your heroes.'.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would simply jump from your ego to your IQ.

You're so boring, you make watching paint dry seem exciting.

If you were any more predictable, we could use you as a calendar.

If you were a dessert, you'd be instant pudding - no substance and completely forgettable.

You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy - worthless and undeserved.

Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?

You're not just a disappointment; you're a disaster.

I am jealous of people who didn't meet you.

If ignorance were a virtue, you'd be a saint.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? Can you go back there?

I wouldn't call you a drama queen; drama empress suits you better.

It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

You're so uninteresting, I forgot what we were talking about.

I look at you and think what a waste of two billion years of the evolution.

I'm not saying you're dumb, but if there were a zombie apocalypse, you'd be safe.

Your failures could fill a book, but nobody would want to read it.

You are like a software update. every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”.

Cry me a river, then drown yourself in it.

You're like a human paper cut - small, annoying, and easily forgotten.

Your idea of wit is as amusing as a root canal.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate - worthless and undeserved.

You have the unique ability to be a cautionary tale and an alarm clock at the same time.

If common sense were a superpower, you'd be the weakest superhero.

I've seen more spine in jellyfish than I see in your actions.

Everyone has purpose in this life, yours is to become an organ donor.

You're like a plague, spreading misery wherever you go.

If your personality was a movie, it would be rated R for 'Ruthless.'.

If you were any slower, you'd be going backward.

You're so full of hot air, I'm surprised you don't float away.

Your face is like a modern art masterpiece. I just can't understand it.

You're like a human weather forecast - always wrong.

Whatever doesn't kill you, disappoints me.

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'couch potato'.

You are the reason why there are instructions on shampoo bottles.

I'm not saying you're a failure, but even a broken clock is right twice a day.

The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids.

You didn't change since last time I saw you. You should.

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

It would be a great day If you used a glue stick instead of Chapstick.

You're the kind of person who could trip over a wireless connection.

Only thing that is pleasing about our relationship is that you are no longer in it.

If laughter is contagious, your jokes must be vaccinated.

Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice.

I've heard your family tree is a straight line.

Your IQ test came back negative.

You have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies.

I've seen more life in a cemetery than I see in your eyes.

You have the charm of a venomous snake and the heart to match.

You're so indecisive, I bet you get FOMO at the salad bar.

I'd say you're a joke, but jokes have a punchline.

Your soul is so dark, it's like you traded it for a lifetime supply of misery.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but your mirror screams in horror every time you look at it.

There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it's a therapist.

I didn't mean to offend you - but it was a huge plus.

I'd call you a clown, but that would be an insult to actual clowns.

You're the human equivalent of a loading screen - slow, annoying, and always interrupting.

I've met doorstops with more personality than you.

You're like a broken mirror - shattered and reflecting nothing but ugliness.

Your personality is like a car crash - it's horrifying, but I can't look away.

You're so miserable, it's a wonder you haven't written a bestselling autobiography.

You have such a beautiful face - But let's put a bag over that personality.

You're like a human mosquito - constantly buzzing around and irritating everyone.

I know you don't like me, that says a lot. You need to acquire a better taste.

Your social skills are as rusty as a shipwreck at the bottom of the ocean.

You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

If arrogance were currency, you'd be the richest person on Earth.

You're the reason people have trust issues.

You have the personality of a wet mop and the charm of a parking ticket.

You're so irrelevant, even Google can't find you.

You're like a solar eclipse - people can only stand to be around you for a short time.

You are the reason why God is not talking to us anymore.

I'd say you're a hot mess, but that would imply there was something hot about you.

You're like a human selfie stick, always there to make others look better by comparison.

You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy - completely worthless.

I'd compare you to a black hole, but even a black hole has more depth.

I'm trying to see things from your perspective, but I can't get my head that far up my rear end.

You're the reason the phrase 'facepalm' was invented.

Sorry I can't think of an insult dumb enough for you to understand.

I'd compare you to a dumpster fire, but at least that's useful for warming people up.

You're so unoriginal, I could predict your every move like a bad rerun.

You're so boring, even a sleeping pill would refuse to hang out with you.

You're like a human clickbait - promising something interesting but delivering disappointment.

If you were any more dense, you'd have your own gravitational pull.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it works.

You're the type of person who can't walk and chew gum because that would require multitasking.

When I listen to you, I think you really going to go far. I hope you stay there.

Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.

I would call you an idiot, but it would be an insult for stupid people.

Let me tell you. If I don't answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?

You're like a human-shaped void - empty inside and sucking the joy out of everything.

I'd ask you to enlighten me, but I doubt you can find the switch.

You're like a magnet for misery and misfortune.

You're like a human version of a spam email - annoying and nobody wants you.

They say patience is a virtue, but you're living proof that some people aren't virtuous at all.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something intelligent, I'd be broke.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had enough oxygen at birth?

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

You have all the charm of a used car salesman.

Your existence is like a black hole - constantly sucking the happiness out of every room.

You're the reason they have warning labels - because of people like you.

You're like a mosquito at a nudist beach - completely unnecessary and annoying.

You have the personality of a damp napkin.

If stupidity were a superpower, you'd be unstoppable.

You're the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.

Your face could stop a clock. It's just that dreadful.

Every time I have a stick in my hand, you look like a pinata.

If idiocy were a sport, you'd be an Olympic champion.

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you're unarmed.

I would smack you, but I'm against animal abuse.

You're like a black hole of compassion - nothing can escape your cold heart.

Honey, only thing bothering me is placed between your ears.

Everyone is allowed to act stupid once, but you are abusing that privilege.

It is hilarious how you are trying to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.

You're so boring, I'd rather watch paint dry with a magnifying glass.

If I throw a stick, will you leave me too?

Earth is full. Go home.

Where is your off button?

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time and walk past.

You're the human embodiment of a typo.

You must have a black belt in karate because you're a master of disappointment.

If stupidity were a superpower, you'd be a Marvel character.

Your ego is so big, it needs its own ZIP code.

I can't wait to spend my whole life without you.

If I wanted to listen to an idiot, I'd watch a political debate.

You're the kind of person who could start an argument in an empty room.

I'm amazed by how well you multitask. You can waste time, procrastinate, and be unproductive all at once.

You can't imagine how much happiness you can bring by leaving the room.

Your ability to disappoint knows no bounds.

If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.

You're the reason mirrors break when they see you.

I've seen your ducks. Not only are they not in a row but I'm fairly sure one is a pigeon.

You're the kind of person who could make Satan himself second-guess his wickedness.

I'm not saying you're boring, but if you were a spice, you'd be flour.

If I were in your shoes, I'd hide them, too.

You're so uninteresting, even the flies avoid you.

Your words are like daggers, always aiming for the heart.

If stupidity were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence.

If you were any less intelligent, we'd need to water you twice a week.

You're like a broken GPS - constantly recalculating because you have no direction.

You're the reason we need warning labels on everything.

I told my therapist about you. She didn't believe me.

Your personality is like watching paint dry - boring and time-consuming.

When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. I'm just giving myself a head start.

It's all about balance - you start talking, I stop listening.

I'm not insulting you; I'm describing you accurately.

I'd roast you, but I'm afraid it would only improve your looks.

I'd challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you came unarmed.

They say karma's a b*tch, but you make karma look like a teddy bear.

I think you just need a high five, in the face, with a chair.

You're the reason why they say the world is a cruel place.

You're the reason we have warning labels on everything.

You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.

You're the reason aliens fly by Earth and never stop.

You are the sun in my life. It would be better if you were 93 million miles away from me though.

You have the emotional range of a teaspoon.

You're so dull, you could put an insomniac to sleep.

Hurting you is the least thing I want to do - but it's still in the list.

If laughter is the best medicine, you must be a real lifesaver for pharmacies everywhere.

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's butt and wait.

You're not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate.

I'd say you're a lost cause, but even lost causes have more potential.

You're like a nightmare that never ends, except no one wakes up from it.

Yes, I'm fully vaccinated, but I will still not hang out with you.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate - completely worthless.

I don't hate you, but if you were drowning, I would give you a high five.

You're like a square peg in a round world - completely out of place.

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.