You're the reason people have trust issues.

You're so shallow, even the kiddie pool is deeper than you.

You have the personality of a damp napkin.

You're like a human embodiment of a Monday morning.

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

If I wanted to listen to an idiot, I'd watch a political debate.

Where is your off button?

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate.

Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.

You were so happy for the negativity of your Covid test, we didn't want to spoil the happiness by telling you it was IQ test.

You must have a black belt in karate because you're a master of disappointment.

I didn't mean to offend you - but it was a huge plus.

Your idea of wit is as amusing as a root canal.

I've heard your family tree is a straight line.

I would smack you, but I'm against animal abuse.

Do you ever wonder how your parents feel knowing they raised such a disappointment?

You're the kind of person who could trip over a wireless connection.

It is hilarious how you are trying to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.

You're the reason aliens fly by Earth and never stop.

If you were any less intelligent, we'd need to water you twice a week.

You are the sun in my life. It would be better if you were 93 million miles away from me though.

When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? Can you go back there?

You're so unoriginal, I could predict your every move like a bad rerun.

You're the human embodiment of a typo.

You're like a human-shaped void - empty inside and sucking the joy out of everything.

You are the reason why God is not talking to us anymore.

You're so boring, even a sleeping pill would refuse to hang out with you.

You're the reason we need warning labels on everything.

I'd compare you to a black hole, but even a black hole has more depth.

Your existence is like a black hole - constantly sucking the happiness out of every room.

You're the reason they say 'never meet your heroes.'.

You're the reason they have warning labels - because of people like you.

You're the reason mirrors break when they see you.

You're so indecisive, I bet you get FOMO at the salad bar.

Your ability to disappoint knows no bounds.

You have the charisma of a brick wall and the emotional range of a teaspoon.

You're like a penny on the ground - completely worthless and nobody wants to pick you up.

If your personality was a movie, it would be rated R for 'Ruthless.'.

You have the emotional range of a teaspoon.

I told my therapist about you. She didn't believe me.

You're the kind of person who could start an argument in an empty room.

I'd say you're a joke, but jokes have a punchline.

You're the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.

You're so irrelevant, even Google can't find you.

If I were in your shoes, I'd hide them, too.

When I listen to you, I think you really going to go far. I hope you stay there.

I am jealous of people who didn't meet you.

If arrogance were currency, you'd be the richest person on Earth.

If negativity were an art form, you'd be a Picasso.

Your mind is like a sieve - everything useful slips right through.

You have the unique ability to be a cautionary tale and an alarm clock at the same time.

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time and walk past.

You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.

You're so forgettable, you'd be the main character in a book nobody reads.

I'm not saying you're old, but your memory foam mattress forgot you.

Cry me a river, then drown yourself in it.

You're like a human mosquito - constantly buzzing around and irritating everyone.

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power an ant's motorcycle.

Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice.

You're like a broken mirror - shattered and reflecting nothing but ugliness.

You have the charm of a venomous snake and the heart to match.

If you were any slower, you'd be going backward.

They say patience is a virtue, but you're living proof that some people aren't virtuous at all.

You're the reason why they say the world is a cruel place.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it works.

What is wrong with you? Have you had too many drugs in mental hospital today?

I've seen more spine in jellyfish than I see in your actions.

You're like a broken GPS - constantly leading people in the wrong direction.

You're like a human weather forecast - always wrong.

Only thing that is pleasing about our relationship is that you are no longer in it.

You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy - completely worthless.

You're the human equivalent of a loading screen - slow, annoying, and always interrupting.

You're so uninteresting, I forgot what we were talking about.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would simply jump from your ego to your IQ.

If common sense were a superpower, you'd be the weakest superhero.

If you were any more predictable, we could use you as a calendar.

You are the reason why there are instructions on shampoo bottles.

I'd compare you to a dumpster fire, but at least that's useful for warming people up.

I'd roast you, but I'm afraid it would only improve your looks.

You have the personality of a wet mop and the charm of a parking ticket.

I've seen more life in a cemetery than I see in your eyes.

You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.

I'm amazed by how well you multitask. You can waste time, procrastinate, and be unproductive all at once.

Your ego is so big, it needs its own ZIP code.

You're the kind of person who could make Satan himself second-guess his wickedness.

You're like a human selfie stick, always there to make others look better by comparison.

Your existence is proof that some mistakes are just meant to be.

I don't hate you, but if you were drowning, I would give you a high five.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something intelligent, I'd be broke.

Hurting you is the least thing I want to do - but it's still in the list.

I'd call you a clown, but that would be an insult to actual clowns.

You're like a magnet for misery and misfortune.

If ignorance were a virtue, you'd be a saint.

Your face could stop a clock. It's just that dreadful.

If stupidity were a superpower, you'd be unstoppable.

I can't wait to spend my whole life without you.

Your IQ test came back negative.

You're like a black hole of compassion - nothing can escape your cold heart.

I think you just need a high five, in the face, with a chair.

You can't imagine how much happiness you can bring by leaving the room.

I wouldn't call you a drama queen; drama empress suits you better.

You're the human embodiment of a traffic jam - annoying and slowing everyone down.

I've seen better judgment from a pack of wild squirrels.

I'm not insulting you; I'm just stating the obvious.

You're so miserable, it's a wonder you haven't written a bestselling autobiography.

Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I'm sorry for it.

It's all about balance - you start talking, I stop listening.

I've seen your ducks. Not only are they not in a row but I'm fairly sure one is a pigeon.

I'm not saying you're boring, but if you were a spice, you'd be flour.

Yes, I'm fully vaccinated, but I will still not hang out with you.

If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.

The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids.

I'd ask you to enlighten me, but I doubt you can find the switch.

You're like a nightmare that never ends, except no one wakes up from it.

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you're unarmed.

Every time I have a stick in my hand, you look like a pinata.

You're so boring, you make watching paint dry seem exciting.

Your failures could fill a book, but nobody would want to read it.

Let me tell you. If I don't answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?

You're like a square peg in a round world - completely out of place.

You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy - worthless and undeserved.

I'm sorry, did I ask for your opinion? Oh wait, I don't care.

I'm not saying you're dumb, but if there were a zombie apocalypse, you'd be safe.

Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?

You're the type of person who can't walk and chew gum because that would require multitasking.

You're like a mosquito at a nudist beach - completely unnecessary and annoying.

If you were any more dense, you'd have your own gravitational pull.

You're the reason we have warning labels on everything.

Your personality is like watching paint dry - boring and time-consuming.

You're so dense, light bends around you.

I'd say you're a lost cause, but even lost causes have more potential.

Whatever doesn't kill you, disappoints me.

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

Your brain cells must be on a coffee break.

I'd say you're a hot mess, but that would imply there was something hot about you.

You're not just a disappointment; you're a disaster.

You're like a human version of a spam email - annoying and nobody wants you.

Your lies could power a city with all that energy.

You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

It would be a great day If you used a glue stick instead of Chapstick.

Your words are like daggers, always aiming for the heart.

Everyone is allowed to act stupid once, but you are abusing that privilege.

Are you talking to me? I thought you only talk behind my back.

You have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies.

Sorry I can't think of an insult dumb enough for you to understand.

You're so full of hot air, I'm surprised you don't float away.

I'm trying to see things from your perspective, but I can't get my head that far up my rear end.

Your personality is like a car crash - it's horrifying, but I can't look away.

Earth is full. Go home.

You're like a broken record - repeating the same nonsense over and over again.

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's butt and wait.

Your personality makes onions cry.

Honey, only thing bothering me is placed between your ears.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had enough oxygen at birth?

If laughter is the best medicine, you must be a real lifesaver for pharmacies everywhere.

There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it's a therapist.

I would call you an idiot, but it would be an insult for stupid people.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

Your soul is so dark, it's like you traded it for a lifetime supply of misery.

Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

You're like a human paper cut - small, annoying, and easily forgotten.

When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. I'm just giving myself a head start.

I'm not saying you're a failure, but even a broken clock is right twice a day.

You are like a software update. every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”.

You're so boring, I'd rather watch paint dry with a magnifying glass.

I've met doorstops with more personality than you.

Your social skills are as rusty as a shipwreck at the bottom of the ocean.

You're not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.

I'd challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you came unarmed.

You're like a broken GPS - constantly recalculating because you have no direction.

You're the reason the phrase 'facepalm' was invented.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but your mirror screams in horror every time you look at it.

You have such a beautiful face - But let's put a bag over that personality.

You're so uninteresting, even the flies avoid you.

If stupidity were a superpower, you'd be a Marvel character.

You're like a human clickbait - promising something interesting but delivering disappointment.

You're so bland, you make plain toast look like a gourmet meal.

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'couch potato'.

Everyone has purpose in this life, yours is to become an organ donor.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate - worthless and undeserved.

If laughter is contagious, your jokes must be vaccinated.

You're so dull, you could put an insomniac to sleep.

It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

I look at you and think what a waste of two billion years of the evolution.

If stupidity were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence.

You're like a plague, spreading misery wherever you go.

Your face is like a modern art masterpiece. I just can't understand it.

If idiocy were a sport, you'd be an Olympic champion.

If you were a dessert, you'd be instant pudding - no substance and completely forgettable.

You didn't change since last time I saw you. You should.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate - completely worthless.

Your life is like a movie with bad ratings - no one wants to watch it.

They say karma's a b*tch, but you make karma look like a teddy bear.

I'm not insulting you; I'm describing you accurately.

You're like a dictionary - full of words, but none of them have meaning.

You're like a solar eclipse - people can only stand to be around you for a short time.

You have all the charm of a used car salesman.