You can't imagine how much happiness you can bring by leaving the room.

Earth is full. Go home.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something intelligent, I'd be broke.

You were so happy for the negativity of your Covid test, we didn't want to spoil the happiness by telling you it was IQ test.

You're like a square peg in a round world - completely out of place.

Your failures could fill a book, but nobody would want to read it.

You're like a human-shaped void - empty inside and sucking the joy out of everything.

You are the reason why God is not talking to us anymore.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but your mirror screams in horror every time you look at it.

You're like a mosquito at a nudist beach - completely unnecessary and annoying.

I've met doorstops with more personality than you.

I'd compare you to a dumpster fire, but at least that's useful for warming people up.

You're the reason we have warning labels on everything.

I wouldn't call you a drama queen; drama empress suits you better.

I'm not saying you're dumb, but if there were a zombie apocalypse, you'd be safe.

You're like a black hole of compassion - nothing can escape your cold heart.

You're the kind of person who could start an argument in an empty room.

Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?

You're so dense, light bends around you.

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Your personality makes onions cry.

You're like a broken record - repeating the same nonsense over and over again.

You're the human embodiment of a traffic jam - annoying and slowing everyone down.

You're the kind of person who could make Satan himself second-guess his wickedness.

You're not just a disappointment; you're a disaster.

If arrogance were currency, you'd be the richest person on Earth.

When I listen to you, I think you really going to go far. I hope you stay there.

I'm trying to see things from your perspective, but I can't get my head that far up my rear end.

Your ability to disappoint knows no bounds.

Whatever doesn't kill you, disappoints me.

You're so irrelevant, even Google can't find you.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate - completely worthless.

Your lies could power a city with all that energy.

You're like a broken GPS - constantly recalculating because you have no direction.

You're like a human selfie stick, always there to make others look better by comparison.

You're so forgettable, you'd be the main character in a book nobody reads.

You're the type of person who can't walk and chew gum because that would require multitasking.

You're like a human mosquito - constantly buzzing around and irritating everyone.

You're so miserable, it's a wonder you haven't written a bestselling autobiography.

You're like a solar eclipse - people can only stand to be around you for a short time.

You're like a broken GPS - constantly leading people in the wrong direction.

If ignorance were a virtue, you'd be a saint.

You're like a nightmare that never ends, except no one wakes up from it.

You're like a magnet for misery and misfortune.

Your face could stop a clock. It's just that dreadful.

You're so unoriginal, I could predict your every move like a bad rerun.

Do you ever wonder how your parents feel knowing they raised such a disappointment?

If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.

Everyone has purpose in this life, yours is to become an organ donor.

You're so bland, you make plain toast look like a gourmet meal.

I didn't mean to offend you - but it was a huge plus.

Your ego is so big, it needs its own ZIP code.

You're the reason aliens fly by Earth and never stop.

What is wrong with you? Have you had too many drugs in mental hospital today?

If I wanted to listen to an idiot, I'd watch a political debate.

You're the human embodiment of a typo.

Honey, only thing bothering me is placed between your ears.

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time and walk past.

I am jealous of people who didn't meet you.

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'couch potato'.

If you were any more dense, you'd have your own gravitational pull.

Your idea of wit is as amusing as a root canal.

You are the sun in my life. It would be better if you were 93 million miles away from me though.

I'd ask you to enlighten me, but I doubt you can find the switch.

Are you talking to me? I thought you only talk behind my back.

You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy - worthless and undeserved.

If you were any slower, you'd be going backward.

You have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies.

I'd roast you, but I'm afraid it would only improve your looks.

If you were any more predictable, we could use you as a calendar.

You're like a human clickbait - promising something interesting but delivering disappointment.

You have the personality of a wet mop and the charm of a parking ticket.

You're the reason people have trust issues.

You're so boring, you make watching paint dry seem exciting.

You have the unique ability to be a cautionary tale and an alarm clock at the same time.

If laughter is the best medicine, you must be a real lifesaver for pharmacies everywhere.

Every time I have a stick in my hand, you look like a pinata.

You have the emotional range of a teaspoon.

It's all about balance - you start talking, I stop listening.

You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.

If stupidity were a superpower, you'd be a Marvel character.

You're so uninteresting, I forgot what we were talking about.

If stupidity were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence.

You're so uninteresting, even the flies avoid you.

I've seen more life in a cemetery than I see in your eyes.

I'm not insulting you; I'm just stating the obvious.

You're like a plague, spreading misery wherever you go.

Only thing that is pleasing about our relationship is that you are no longer in it.

Your IQ test came back negative.

You're like a human paper cut - small, annoying, and easily forgotten.

Sorry I can't think of an insult dumb enough for you to understand.

You have the charm of a venomous snake and the heart to match.

If you were a dessert, you'd be instant pudding - no substance and completely forgettable.

You're the reason the phrase 'facepalm' was invented.

If stupidity were a superpower, you'd be unstoppable.

If I throw a stick, will you leave me too?

I'm sorry, did I ask for your opinion? Oh wait, I don't care.

I would call you an idiot, but it would be an insult for stupid people.

Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.

You're like a penny on the ground - completely worthless and nobody wants to pick you up.

I'd call you a clown, but that would be an insult to actual clowns.

If laughter is contagious, your jokes must be vaccinated.

Everyone is allowed to act stupid once, but you are abusing that privilege.

You're so shallow, even the kiddie pool is deeper than you.

They say patience is a virtue, but you're living proof that some people aren't virtuous at all.

If you were any less intelligent, we'd need to water you twice a week.

Your words are like daggers, always aiming for the heart.

Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I'm sorry for it.

You are like a software update. every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”.

If negativity were an art form, you'd be a Picasso.

You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

You're the kind of person who could trip over a wireless connection.

I think you just need a high five, in the face, with a chair.

Let me tell you. If I don't answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?

You're so full of hot air, I'm surprised you don't float away.

I told my therapist about you. She didn't believe me.

You're the reason they have warning labels - because of people like you.

You must have a black belt in karate because you're a master of disappointment.

Cry me a river, then drown yourself in it.

Your life is like a movie with bad ratings - no one wants to watch it.

Hurting you is the least thing I want to do - but it's still in the list.

I'm not saying you're a failure, but even a broken clock is right twice a day.

I'd challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you came unarmed.

You have all the charm of a used car salesman.

I would smack you, but I'm against animal abuse.

I don't hate you, but if you were drowning, I would give you a high five.

They say karma's a b*tch, but you make karma look like a teddy bear.

You're not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.

I'd say you're a lost cause, but even lost causes have more potential.

You're so boring, I'd rather watch paint dry with a magnifying glass.

I'm not saying you're old, but your memory foam mattress forgot you.

If your personality was a movie, it would be rated R for 'Ruthless.'.

It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

You're the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.

I've seen better judgment from a pack of wild squirrels.

Where is your off button?

You're so dull, you could put an insomniac to sleep.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had enough oxygen at birth?

You have the personality of a damp napkin.

When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. I'm just giving myself a head start.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? Can you go back there?

Your personality is like watching paint dry - boring and time-consuming.

I can't wait to spend my whole life without you.

You're like a human embodiment of a Monday morning.

If idiocy were a sport, you'd be an Olympic champion.

Your personality is like a car crash - it's horrifying, but I can't look away.

You have such a beautiful face - But let's put a bag over that personality.

The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids.

Your brain cells must be on a coffee break.

You're so indecisive, I bet you get FOMO at the salad bar.

You have the charisma of a brick wall and the emotional range of a teaspoon.

Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?

You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate.

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power an ant's motorcycle.

There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it's a therapist.

I've seen your ducks. Not only are they not in a row but I'm fairly sure one is a pigeon.

You're the reason they say 'never meet your heroes.'.

I'm not saying you're boring, but if you were a spice, you'd be flour.

I'm amazed by how well you multitask. You can waste time, procrastinate, and be unproductive all at once.

I've heard your family tree is a straight line.

You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy - completely worthless.

I've seen more spine in jellyfish than I see in your actions.

I'd say you're a joke, but jokes have a punchline.

If I were in your shoes, I'd hide them, too.

Your face is like a modern art masterpiece. I just can't understand it.

You're like a human weather forecast - always wrong.

You're the reason why they say the world is a cruel place.

I look at you and think what a waste of two billion years of the evolution.

I'd say you're a hot mess, but that would imply there was something hot about you.

You're so boring, even a sleeping pill would refuse to hang out with you.

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's butt and wait.

I know you don't like me, that says a lot. You need to acquire a better taste.

Yes, I'm fully vaccinated, but I will still not hang out with you.

You're like a human version of a spam email - annoying and nobody wants you.

Your soul is so dark, it's like you traded it for a lifetime supply of misery.

It would be a great day If you used a glue stick instead of Chapstick.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate - worthless and undeserved.

You're the reason we need warning labels on everything.

Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice.

I'd compare you to a black hole, but even a black hole has more depth.

Your existence is like a black hole - constantly sucking the happiness out of every room.

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it works.

You didn't change since last time I saw you. You should.

Your mind is like a sieve - everything useful slips right through.

You're like a dictionary - full of words, but none of them have meaning.

If common sense were a superpower, you'd be the weakest superhero.

I'm not insulting you; I'm describing you accurately.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would simply jump from your ego to your IQ.

Your existence is proof that some mistakes are just meant to be.

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you're unarmed.

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

You are the reason why there are instructions on shampoo bottles.

You're the reason mirrors break when they see you.

You're like a broken mirror - shattered and reflecting nothing but ugliness.

Your social skills are as rusty as a shipwreck at the bottom of the ocean.