I can't wait to spend my whole life without you.

You're the human embodiment of a traffic jam - annoying and slowing everyone down.

You're the reason why they say the world is a cruel place.

Yes, I'm fully vaccinated, but I will still not hang out with you.

You have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies.

If ignorance were a virtue, you'd be a saint.

You're like a human-shaped void - empty inside and sucking the joy out of everything.

You're like a penny on the ground - completely worthless and nobody wants to pick you up.

If stupidity were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence.

You're the kind of person who could trip over a wireless connection.

When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? Can you go back there?

Your face could stop a clock. It's just that dreadful.

You have the unique ability to be a cautionary tale and an alarm clock at the same time.

Your idea of wit is as amusing as a root canal.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had enough oxygen at birth?

I'm not saying you're boring, but if you were a spice, you'd be flour.

Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?

You're the kind of person who could start an argument in an empty room.

You're like a human paper cut - small, annoying, and easily forgotten.

I know you don't like me, that says a lot. You need to acquire a better taste.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but your mirror screams in horror every time you look at it.

I've met doorstops with more personality than you.

I look at you and think what a waste of two billion years of the evolution.

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you're unarmed.

It is hilarious how you are trying to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.

Every time I have a stick in my hand, you look like a pinata.

You're like a broken record - repeating the same nonsense over and over again.

You're like a human embodiment of a Monday morning.

You're like a human selfie stick, always there to make others look better by comparison.

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's butt and wait.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it works.

You're the reason aliens fly by Earth and never stop.

You're so unoriginal, I could predict your every move like a bad rerun.

You're the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.

If laughter is contagious, your jokes must be vaccinated.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate - completely worthless.

Your personality is like watching paint dry - boring and time-consuming.

You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

You're the reason people have trust issues.

Your life is like a movie with bad ratings - no one wants to watch it.

You're so bland, you make plain toast look like a gourmet meal.

If arrogance were currency, you'd be the richest person on Earth.

I'm not saying you're old, but your memory foam mattress forgot you.

You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.

Your brain cells must be on a coffee break.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something intelligent, I'd be broke.

Your social skills are as rusty as a shipwreck at the bottom of the ocean.

I'm sorry, did I ask for your opinion? Oh wait, I don't care.

You have the charm of a venomous snake and the heart to match.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate - worthless and undeserved.

They say patience is a virtue, but you're living proof that some people aren't virtuous at all.

You can't imagine how much happiness you can bring by leaving the room.

You have all the charm of a used car salesman.

If stupidity were a superpower, you'd be a Marvel character.

Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I'm sorry for it.

I told my therapist about you. She didn't believe me.

You're the reason the phrase 'facepalm' was invented.

Where is your off button?

Sorry I can't think of an insult dumb enough for you to understand.

You're so uninteresting, I forgot what we were talking about.

Everyone has purpose in this life, yours is to become an organ donor.

Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice.

I'd say you're a lost cause, but even lost causes have more potential.

You're so full of hot air, I'm surprised you don't float away.

You're the reason we need warning labels on everything.

You're like a human clickbait - promising something interesting but delivering disappointment.

Let me tell you. If I don't answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?

You're the reason they have warning labels - because of people like you.

I've seen more spine in jellyfish than I see in your actions.

You're not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

You have the personality of a damp napkin.

Your personality makes onions cry.

You're the reason they say 'never meet your heroes.'.

You have the charisma of a brick wall and the emotional range of a teaspoon.

I'd say you're a hot mess, but that would imply there was something hot about you.

I think you just need a high five, in the face, with a chair.

You're so boring, you make watching paint dry seem exciting.

You're so shallow, even the kiddie pool is deeper than you.

You're like a human mosquito - constantly buzzing around and irritating everyone.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

If I wanted to listen to an idiot, I'd watch a political debate.

Hurting you is the least thing I want to do - but it's still in the list.

I don't hate you, but if you were drowning, I would give you a high five.

I wouldn't call you a drama queen; drama empress suits you better.

The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids.

What is wrong with you? Have you had too many drugs in mental hospital today?

I've heard your family tree is a straight line.

You're so dense, light bends around you.

I'd call you a clown, but that would be an insult to actual clowns.

Your soul is so dark, it's like you traded it for a lifetime supply of misery.

You're like a dictionary - full of words, but none of them have meaning.

If your personality was a movie, it would be rated R for 'Ruthless.'.

I'm trying to see things from your perspective, but I can't get my head that far up my rear end.

I'd say you're a joke, but jokes have a punchline.

You are the reason why there are instructions on shampoo bottles.

Your ego is so big, it needs its own ZIP code.

You're like a human version of a spam email - annoying and nobody wants you.

You're like a square peg in a round world - completely out of place.

If idiocy were a sport, you'd be an Olympic champion.

If laughter is the best medicine, you must be a real lifesaver for pharmacies everywhere.

I've seen more life in a cemetery than I see in your eyes.

You're like a magnet for misery and misfortune.

You must have a black belt in karate because you're a master of disappointment.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would simply jump from your ego to your IQ.

If I throw a stick, will you leave me too?

I'd compare you to a black hole, but even a black hole has more depth.

Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?

Your existence is like a black hole - constantly sucking the happiness out of every room.

I would smack you, but I'm against animal abuse.

It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

You have the personality of a wet mop and the charm of a parking ticket.

You're like a broken GPS - constantly leading people in the wrong direction.

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

If common sense were a superpower, you'd be the weakest superhero.

I'd roast you, but I'm afraid it would only improve your looks.

I've seen your ducks. Not only are they not in a row but I'm fairly sure one is a pigeon.

I'd challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you came unarmed.

You're the human equivalent of a participation certificate.

Only thing that is pleasing about our relationship is that you are no longer in it.

Your words are like daggers, always aiming for the heart.

You're not just a disappointment; you're a disaster.

You're like a black hole of compassion - nothing can escape your cold heart.

Your failures could fill a book, but nobody would want to read it.

Your lies could power a city with all that energy.

I'm amazed by how well you multitask. You can waste time, procrastinate, and be unproductive all at once.

It's all about balance - you start talking, I stop listening.

You're the reason mirrors break when they see you.

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'couch potato'.

If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.

If you were any more dense, you'd have your own gravitational pull.

Earth is full. Go home.

Cry me a river, then drown yourself in it.

You're the reason we have warning labels on everything.

If you were any less intelligent, we'd need to water you twice a week.

You're so indecisive, I bet you get FOMO at the salad bar.

Honey, only thing bothering me is placed between your ears.

It would be a great day If you used a glue stick instead of Chapstick.

You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy - completely worthless.

You're the kind of person who could make Satan himself second-guess his wickedness.

Everyone is allowed to act stupid once, but you are abusing that privilege.

When I listen to you, I think you really going to go far. I hope you stay there.

You are the sun in my life. It would be better if you were 93 million miles away from me though.

I'd ask you to enlighten me, but I doubt you can find the switch.

I've seen better judgment from a pack of wild squirrels.

Your personality is like a car crash - it's horrifying, but I can't look away.

I'm not insulting you; I'm describing you accurately.

You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy - worthless and undeserved.

You're like a broken mirror - shattered and reflecting nothing but ugliness.

Your existence is proof that some mistakes are just meant to be.

You're so irrelevant, even Google can't find you.

You're the human equivalent of a loading screen - slow, annoying, and always interrupting.

You have the emotional range of a teaspoon.

You're so boring, even a sleeping pill would refuse to hang out with you.

You're like a mosquito at a nudist beach - completely unnecessary and annoying.

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power an ant's motorcycle.

If stupidity were a superpower, you'd be unstoppable.

You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.

You have such a beautiful face - But let's put a bag over that personality.

You're so dull, you could put an insomniac to sleep.

There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it's a therapist.

If you were any more predictable, we could use you as a calendar.

You're so uninteresting, even the flies avoid you.

Your mind is like a sieve - everything useful slips right through.

Do you ever wonder how your parents feel knowing they raised such a disappointment?

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

Your IQ test came back negative.

You're like a broken GPS - constantly recalculating because you have no direction.

I am jealous of people who didn't meet you.

You are the reason why God is not talking to us anymore.

If negativity were an art form, you'd be a Picasso.

You're so forgettable, you'd be the main character in a book nobody reads.

I'm not saying you're dumb, but if there were a zombie apocalypse, you'd be safe.

You're like a plague, spreading misery wherever you go.

They say karma's a b*tch, but you make karma look like a teddy bear.

I'm not saying you're a failure, but even a broken clock is right twice a day.

You're the human embodiment of a typo.

You are like a software update. every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”.

Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.

You're like a human weather forecast - always wrong.

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time and walk past.

I didn't mean to offend you - but it was a huge plus.

You're like a solar eclipse - people can only stand to be around you for a short time.

I'm not insulting you; I'm just stating the obvious.

Your ability to disappoint knows no bounds.

Are you talking to me? I thought you only talk behind my back.

You're so boring, I'd rather watch paint dry with a magnifying glass.

I'd compare you to a dumpster fire, but at least that's useful for warming people up.

You were so happy for the negativity of your Covid test, we didn't want to spoil the happiness by telling you it was IQ test.

Your face is like a modern art masterpiece. I just can't understand it.

You didn't change since last time I saw you. You should.

You're like a nightmare that never ends, except no one wakes up from it.

You're the type of person who can't walk and chew gum because that would require multitasking.

Whatever doesn't kill you, disappoints me.

I would call you an idiot, but it would be an insult for stupid people.

When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. I'm just giving myself a head start.

If you were a dessert, you'd be instant pudding - no substance and completely forgettable.

You're so miserable, it's a wonder you haven't written a bestselling autobiography.